You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
