So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
