a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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