So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
