We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
