You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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