Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
