So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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