If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
