if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
