shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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