So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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