I feel like abortions should bother me more
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
