Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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