And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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