I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
