You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
