Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
