I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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