True but thats because hes a fetus.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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