Im at strip club and am horny
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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