Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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