if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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