ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
