He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
