brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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