I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
