you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
