Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
