can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
