I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
