On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
