I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
