Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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