One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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