Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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