the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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