I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
