She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
