My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
