she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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