I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
