I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
