I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
