im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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