you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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