go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
