do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
