i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
