her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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